Unattainable

12/22/07


So its in the morning.. lol.. this is random.. ok well.. My dad called my phone this morning.. (and woke me up) and tried as hard as hell to get her to come up for christmas.. and I know she wants to.. but we just dont have enough money...


I want to go so bad though... its not even funny.. I mean I want to stay and spend time with nick and Courtney.. but I want to go home and spend time with my family.. and eat christmas dinner.. at three in the afternoon on Christmas eav... I want to see lacey and kyle.. and see how big conner is..


I want to see how the twins are doing... Ive only seen Emily and Elizabeth twice in my life... There my sisters.. I should see them more often... I just want to go home.. visit some old friends... do something... I cant stay here.. and just keep going in this stupid Cicrle... where what I want for christmas is an unattainable dream... I cant do that.. I want to go home where I get my family for christmas... but I know we wont... my hopes and dreams are unattainable


(can you tell unattainable is my new fav word)

Something Ive got to say

hahh.. I had a long ass post right here.. but I was afraid.. people might read it.. xD so I changed it :) love much!

Sometimes

im afraid of looking in the mirror
Cause I know what I'll see.. the uglieness inside of me.

Snow White

Ok.. so I was watching B&S last night- yeah well I friggen love kevin but he really needs to get with scotty!! :)

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I was also watching Rules of attraction on Saturday- That was a weird movie!!

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Im at nicks right now :)-- Sometimes I wonder how I can stay friends with him- not that I dont like him as a person- I do but thats the problem it means were getting close and I dont want to get close-- Already he knows all my secrets except the one I cant tell him-- and I just dont think I can handle that

:( Theres things I want to say but im too scared that someone will read this.

Quotes :)

Jesse- (Be all you can be in the Army) says:heh cuz i can make any girl fall for me
Roma says:... righhhht
Jesse- (Be all you can be in the Army) says:like you
Jesse- (Be all you can be in the Army) says:you love me
Roma says:theres a D on the end of the second word Jesse

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you know you skim through old conversations but you never think youll find a good quote like that :P Something that makes you laugh- though at the time you knew it was hard having the conversation.. now looking at it makes you giggle at the stupidity you once embraced.

I know I had said its not good to remember, but maybe its not remembering thats the problem. Its remembering whats good over whats bad thats the problem...


Other Things I Found:
JAAbigsis (6:29:23 PM): although other people have brought you up alot since then
JAAbigsis (6:29:30 PM): oh shush no one tell racey Im talking to you
JAAbigsis (6:29:43 PM): if we have any contact he will hate me for forever he says ShadowedFate4 (6:29:51 PM): he can hate me all he wants, the feelings mutual
JAAbigsis (6:30:15 PM): :O
JAAbigsis (6:30:18 PM): he doesnt hate you
JAAbigsis (6:30:30 PM): he just hates me and you
ShadowedFate4 (6:30:21 PM): i thought he did
JAAbigsis (6:30:43 PM): talking
JAAbigsis (6:30:43 PM): xD
ShadowedFate4 (6:30:44 PM): he hates our awesome well baked mouth watering cookies
JAAbigsis (6:31:07 PM): looool
ShadowedFate4 (6:30:51 PM): that's what he hates mwahaha
JAAbigsis (6:31:12 PM): loooooool
JAAbigsis (6:31:28 PM): no but like in January when I was really upset I went to him
ShadowedFate4 (6:31:34 PM): i wonder if drinking all this soda is gonna make my sperm die off more
JAAbigsis (6:32:12 PM): for consoling and he just doesnt want me to hurt which you have just been really good at doing in the past
JAAbigsis (6:32:47 PM): probably jesse
JAAbigsis (6:32:51 PM): your going to be spermless
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wowie- I cant believe I was willing to risk Raceys friendship for someone who was so ADHD that he started talking about his sperm dying in the middle of a conversation- wow Im an idiot
[[This was a long time ago btw]]

Missing

I dont get what the point is to miss someone.

I was missing someone a minnute ago when I realized that it does nothing

The missed will never know there missed

and the misser will only hurt from missing.

Whats the point in remembering bad things and bad people

When all that will happen is they will come back to haunt you

Everytime something bad happens with my family

I feel anger; resentment; why?

Because when things happen I used to depend on another to make things better

But when the other is not reachable... all you can do is miss them

and hate them for not being there

So why miss anymore? all it does is ruin the image you had of the person

Never ruin a pretty picture- no matter how faded and torn it gets.

The Wreck of the Day

Im at nicks house.. and he says he cant blog at his house..
SO IM GOING TO BLOG AT HIS HOUSE
because (racey) you know that I hate obeying :P

Anyways... so nick went out with Tyler last night.. and it was a date
XD and they had a little TOO much fun

xD So anyways--

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for real things:

Ok so....

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Hehe I just remembered MIKEY! omg.. We used to play that on MSN where we would take turns doing the dotts.. hehe.. I had so much fun with him...
Why did Jesse have to make it into something it wasnt? I lost a friend that way...

and you know what EVERYONE is doing that with Nick... every five seconds someone asks us if were going out or says we act like it... but we dont.. and it pisses me off..

Cant I just have a friend whos a friend and happens to be a guy...
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I wont ever be able to loose someone like I lost mikey...(hopefully anyways) but I dont want to even loose just friendship...

GOD im so frusturated! When did every day become a block in the road to somewhere else...

Why was I so happy yesterday.. yet so 'bothered' today?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR