he says hes got a girl in chelsea, he wants so much.

Not much to say about today..

It was very uneventful, my science teacher told me he saw I was slipping a little So I have to work just a little extra hard in that class now.. but yeah..


NOTHING HAPPENED imagine that :P

XOXO

Jessica

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Tyme

So what I dont usually dabble in is religion. But I have to.. I just finished the season finale (and the cut off of all JOA) of Joan of Arcadia.. a delightful show about a modern day Joan of arc figure. The show is just reaching is climax, when its taken off the air for poor ratings. Which I cant say I helped because I only watched Joan of Arc after it had come out on DVD.. not knowing and not being able to comprehend its importance before hand.

When I went to church camp and said something about the show, I got some nasty feedback.. I mean along the lines of religion watching a show where god manifests himself into human forms is apparently not all that biblically correct. But the show makes me question, Many times Im on the path to not believing at all and I watch an episode and it makes me want to reach out to god. I realize god isnt like the god that appears, as an old woman, a very cute bi-standard, a teenage slacker, or a little girl in JOA. But It makes me realize hes out there enough to affect media and the world around me and it makes me question why Im not connecting with god on any level much less a level that I know I could connect with him on.


blah.. anyways-- I know only two people (maybe three) read this blog.. and I know.. that only one of those two people actually comments.. so this time I encourage silent reader to become a little less silant and already commentor reader to go a little further with his comments and make a point. :) Love you guys.. seriously

Jess

xoxo

A letter from china

Here is my handwriting analysis:

Quote:
You are moderately outgoing. Your emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, you can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. You have the ability to put yourself into the other peoples shoes. You will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes you'll be happy, the next day you might be sad. You have the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because you are in between. Psychology calls you an ambivert. You understand the needs of both types. Although they get along, you not tolerate anyone that is too "far out". You don't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing you to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to you. You put yourself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet you not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. You are an expressive person. You outwardly shows your emotions. You might even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. You are a "middle-of-the-roader", politically as well as logically. You weigh both sides of an issue, sit on the fence, and then will decide when you finally have to. You basically don't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

I dont know.. its kind of true but kind of not.. I mean I am very emotional.. and moody.. but Im a definate democrat in the politicall sense.. well.. I dont know.. sometimes people mistake me for a republican... I dont know...

Quote:
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, you don't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.I guess thats true.. Im not sure You are secretive. You have secrets which you do not wish to share with others. You intentionally conceal things about yourself. You have a private side that you intend to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in your past.

.... *looks at shoes* I agree

Quote:
You can be defiant. You sometimes have the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way you are doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which you think are infringing upon your freedom of action.

..... *looks at shoes* I dont know Elfie.. what do you think... *Thinks back on all the mods...* ok so MAYBE its one hundred percent true.

Quote:
In reference to your mental abilities, you have a very investigating and creating mind. You investigate projects rapidly because you are curious about many things. You get involved in many projects that seem good in the beginning, but you soon must slow down and look at all the angles. You probably get too many things going at once. When you slow down, you become more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, you must slow down to do it. You then decide what projects you have time to finish. Thus you finish at a slower pace than when you started the project. You have the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Your mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. You can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. You can then switch into your low gear. When you are in the slower mode, you can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. You are more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Uhm... sure... yeah...

Quote:
You are a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. You need to visualize the end of a project before you start. You find joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said you plan everything you are going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. You basically feels good about yourself. You have a positive self-esteem which contributes to your success. You feel you have the ability to achieve anything you set your mind to. However, you set your goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". You have enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, you not take great risks, as they relate to your goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence category, your self-perception is better than average.

.. uh no.. ok so yeah.. I take a great deal of joy in planning things.. and I do plan a lot of things.. but I have a very very very low self esteem.. I mean I really do and I know and admit that.. And really I dont have good enough self confidence to leave a bad situation.. I usually hang on to bad situations and base the blame of the bad on myself, Id rather have a bad situation than no situation... so basically.. yeah.

Quote:
You are sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect your ego when you feel hurt. You poke people harder than you get poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

... Ok so maybe its true. But only for some things.. theres people I do this too and then theres people that I let walk all over me ie. Emma and I always display sarcastic remarks to each other, probably more than anyone else; but Racey... if he says something sarcastic or anything criticle I draw into myself.. and dont sarcasticlly bite him. So its .. I dont know.

Quote:
You have a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. You let new people into your circle of friends. You use your imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Its true... thats pretty much all I can say about that

Quote:
You exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although you may not intend to deceive or mislead, you blow things way out of proportion because that is the way you view them. You be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of your material world. You allows many people into your life because you are accepting and trusting. You are sometimes called gullible by your friends. That only really means that you trust too many people. You have a vivid imagination.

Ok so it happens to be true... I get called gullible and told that I trust to easily a lot. And I have a tendancy to make a bigger deal about something not that big every once in a while or so Im told.

Quote:
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct you have left lots of white space on the all four borders of the paper. You fills up just the center area of the page. If this is true, then you have a particular shyness toward people and a fear of moving too fast in any direction. In some cultures, respecting people, rules, and adhering to protocol are ways of life. The right side of the page represents the future and the left side represents the past. You seems a bit stuck in the middle, afraid to take action. You seems to have a fear of looking bad or of crossing boundaries. It will be easy to work with you on a team, because you will usually follow the rules. However, this desire to respect the boundaries can often be construed as a lack of confidence and people will walk over you if you are not careful.

.....*looks up at the ceiling fan* so... maybe its true.... (wow its getting dusty up there.. hehe)

Go to sleep Go to sleep Go to sleep little baby

Ok so this was my dream

My dad used to be a baseball player for his highschool and he was really really good but he and my mom got in a car wreck before I was born, But in my dream they hadnt had the car wreck and my dad was still playing baseball and he was really good. But he hurt himself somehow and we all went to the hospital.. but my grandma and grandpa wanted him to die. And I overheard them and they tried everything to keep me away from them.. It was very weird.. (these wernt my real grandparents in my dream they were prettier than mine.. and eviler than mine lol) Then many things went on where I had to run from them and try to find my father at the same time. And you know how sometimes dream details change... well the details did.. It wasnt my dad I was looking for anymore it was my boyfriend and he played football not baseball and I was a cheerleader.. I even used pom poms to stop the bad guys from hitting me. Lol but then I finnaly reached his room and he was recovering well and I dont know what happened to the grandparents but it seemed like they dissapeared... and I just think about what happened and I dont know- It felt like I really loved this dream boyfriend I had. His name was Austin but he looked more like a mixture of Nick and Will. And he was injured enough that he couldnt play in the game that was about to take place And he was in a wheel chair.. well we came out to the game and he sat by the bench.. and I asked him, since you cant play do you want me to cheer? and I Dont remember his awnser but either way I just sat there on his lap (while hes in the wheelchair) and we watched the game..

It was strangly a comforting and exciting dream... but its making me wonder. Ive been so afraid to even put myself out there cause Ive been so afraid of things ending badly, and I personally hate the begining of relationships. But maybe realizing that things could get to that point where the other person comforts you just by being there and sitting with you, maybe thats enough to make you endure the bad stuff. And Id come out of my little hole where I supposedly enjoy being single.. and you know endure it. But Im still a little scared...

Merrriiiiily sing

So what is it with the Blue cup... Its everywhere and I just think it deserves some credit.

This blue cup is the blue cup we see in all the reality TV shows on MTV and VH1.. that we just know are full with beer.... So why do we never give this cup its credit? Is it time to pay attention to those who deserve it?

Theres one thing that has been a constant my whole high school career, One thing I could always depend on. Chorus. But I never really did think I could sing all that well, and yes Mr. Hayes did put me in advanced chorus but what does that prove? Maybe I should drop Chorus next semester and take Spanish or something... I dont know.. All I know is that maybe I dont need a constant anymore.. maybe I can loose my childhood blanket.

Hark How The Bells

What if we are on the path to reaching our goals... blithly unaware when a cloud covers the moon and the darkness shades the path and you dont know which way to go. Do you stumble and fall... and hope the cloud will leave the moon in peace. Or do you take a step in stride, thinking maybe its a luner eclipse, and why lay on the ground for hours. How do you stay on the path when you cant see where its going? When something blocks your view.

Most people say assume for the best, but in all actuality that can only hinder you. Always assume the worst, its the only way to know youll have a chance at staying on the path. Its the only way you can find your own light when the earth is between the moon and sun.

We Are the Champions my Friendddddd

So we won the game... the biggest game of the season.. we beat a team we havent been able to beat for four years!!!!! WE DID IT! Im sooo excited

But we made bets.. and now.. I have to kiss nick :X yuuuck :P

Anywayyyyyyyssss

So I dont like Will anymore cause Tiffany likes him and now HAS him :) Zippa dee Doooo daa

And Im toning down the whole Kyle A. thing (which I havent mentioned before) but it helps to put it in writing

I think I might go out with Britt.. not sure yet.. Hes kinda cute for a band geek..

ANYWAYS

Raceyyys a douche, an Awesome one but still

AND WE WONNN!!!!1

to excited to go into detail :P *loveeee*

xoxo

Jessica

Oh Happy Day, Oh Happy day

Courtney and Carol are friends again!
which has nothing at all to do with this post but for the record I was mentioning it.. oh and Im still not friends with carol and she has my 'Just Listen' by Sarah Dessen and I need it back

ANYWHO

Theres a song, Oh happy day, and it totaly describes today :P! I and a few other specially picked people from chorus get to sing at the pep rally tommorow and we sing that song.. (when we beat the devils- which is the other schools mascot) So yayyyy! I get to be in it.. and Sing oh happy day.

Anyways, I went to courtneys after school which was awesome :P the most fun Ive had in a LOOOOOONG ass time. :) Her brother is soooo stupid but very funny.

Shes coming home with me tommorow so I dont know how much time Ill be able to spend on the computer :) but Ill try really hard to blog every day :)

Saturdayyy is our concert in the park for chorus.. and I cant wait.!!!! WE SING ABBA thats right.. I finnaly came to tell you :P We are singing Dancing Queen for chorus this year.. its soooooo awesome.. we have the best choerography [by Heather Key btw] And yeah... Its gonna be awesome

ANDDDD I actually did better on my Science test then most people and I guessed on pretty much everything.. I endid up getting a C which in my grade book was bad.. but compared to everyone elses I was like A saint...

Theres this kid austin.. whos a freshman.. who sits next to me in that class.. and I call him Bob.. cause the kid is really shy... well I just mentioned him cause.. well I felt like it.. but yeah.. he exists :P

Anyways... IT WAS AN OOOOOOOH SO HAPPPPPPY DAY :P

oh and I ate some yuuuuuuumy Tomato soup at Courtneys... with grilled cheese people


AND courtney has now introduced me to Macoroni and cheese with a few drops of honey-- Try it, its REALLY good.. and only a few drops isnt going to kill you people..

xoxo

Jessica

Racey Bacey Bo Bacey

This is a continuation/add on to the paragraph about Racey :) I had in my last post...

I originally had a whole bunch but deleted a lot of it to spare his feelings.. and now Im going to try to remember what I wrote.. and add on to it. :)

So here goes:

Speaking of Racey... I think I should just let a little steam off. Everyone would be very surprised to know how mad I get at race. Sometimes his little "Im too good for the world" Attitude, really just puts me over the top. I mean who the hell does he think he is. Gods gift to gay men?! seriously... Anywho It really annoys me how everytime I talk to him I come off sounding like more of a little kid.. and it gets worse each time.. its like i decrease in age and maturity every time I talk to him. Which I know I dont but thats the front I put up, for reasons unbeknowest to me. I feel like I cant show some of my true colors to him because of how anal he is about me being the way I am. I cant even classify racey as one of my good friends cause he always wants to change me. Which is most likely WHY I put up the little front.. If I act like a two year old and say the dumbest things then he will focus more on hating that then hating me as a person. I talk a lot.. and I complain A LOT thats just how I am. RACEY sits there and he cant even let emotion seep out at all. Ive never actually seen him get emotional about anything other than music.. and thats not even like a true emotion thats a consumer emotion.... ect. The paragraph was going to continue (and I added a little more it seems) but i stopped to erase it at this point... :)

Dont hate me for my opinion Racey :P I dont hate you for yours. (It just annoys me :))

Oh Shanandoe

For some reason I was exahsted when I woke up this morning, Which is only weird because I went to sleep fairly early. So when I woke up my throat hurt just a tad and my stomache kind of twinged, so I endid up asking my mom if I could stay home, and coming up with a really good excuse... and now Im home, sick... well not.

The only thing is that theres nothing to do in my house when I get sick. I endid up watching the end of Tila Tiquila (sp?) which btw.. suprisingly is a somewhat good show. And then I had nothing to do.. so I downloaded songs for an hour. And now Im just sitting here, nothing much to do. Its lunch time too, but theres nothing in my house to eat. I might watch The Prince and the Pauper, only because Ive never seen it, Ive only seen the barbie version (The Princess and the Pauper) hehe. Theres nothing really on right now so I just.. kinda will have to watch that.

I read ambers blogs though, and Im a little surprised, I always thought amber was smart, but shes really not. She should atleast know that me and rai like her for her. I mean Racey wouldnt waste his time talking to her if he didnt like her.

Speaking of Racey... I think I should just let a little steam off. Everyone would be very surprised to know how mad I get at race. Sometimes his little "Im to good for the world" Attitude, really just puts me over the top. I just... gr...

Oh and dont get me started on Nick. I think one of the reasons I didnt go to school today was so I didnt have to go to his house after school. Im just so sick of dealing with him. Hes just been so bitchy lately. And I told him who I liked (will) and he like did this little thing were he was mad for like thirty seconds, then he was shocked or something it was really stupid. And we both can tell were getting pissed with each other and were spending too much time together, but he still persists on coming to be partners with me for all the stupid math stuff. Sometimes I would like to work alone you know. UGH and if one more person says were going out, asks if were going out, or says we SHOULD go out, I swear to god I will kill them. I just want to shout out, NICKS GAY, but I cant because A) he hasnt come out and B) he has a girlfriend? I mean seriously what the hell is up with him and Jordan, there supposedly dating but Jordan has a girlfriend and wants him to get a boyfriend. I dont understand nick, seriously. I just dont get why his girlfriend would encourage him to get with someone else. Im starting to think that nick being gay isnt all that... well truthful.. I dont know. Im SO confused that I dont even want to DEAL with him.

AND GRRRR I had a conversation the other night with amber about a certain boy, and its coming back to haunt me, usually I dont talk in depth about him anymore, and now that I have... well Its like hes popping up in all my conversations. I just, dont understand... why he closed up ends with everyone but me... Why leave me with loose ends huh? Why? Is it some joke I just dont get, or did he leave the ends loose because he cared... Thats all very hard to believe.. I didnt even know he was going.. He was just gone.. I dont get it. And for this... he can rott in hell. :)

Courtney, is like the most awesomest person in the world. On a scale of one to ten for best friends shes an eleven. :) Shes awesome.

Tiffany... is on the edge now.. I dont know if Im ok with her... or if Im still kinda pissed at her.. I dont think it matters

And my birthday partys coming up and I dont know if I want to invite Madison anymore.. thats all I will say about that

AND OMG I love amber.. even if she is stupid- and I cant wait for gossip girl to come on.

xoxo
Jessica

Gayly They Ring While People Sing

I have a cold.

Its not even cold outside yet, and I have a cold. A bad cold at that, My nose is so stuffed and it feels like my nose takes up this giant portion of my face.

Anyways, I got in trouble today and first periode, who would have thought. Hehe, she over piles us with work, and then she was just so anal, it annoyed me, but life goes on.

That reminds me, My cold had me all out of sync today, and when I was in Earth Space Hildgenberg was giving the class a lecture about the layers of the atmosphere, and then all of a sudden he called on me to answer a question. And for like a full ten seconds, I just couldnt think. My mind just went blank. It was weird, and embarrising. Speaking of embarresing, I think brett likes me... Not that that would be bad, I just I dont know what I think about it yet. Oh and Benny, baasically wants to get laid, and told me and Summer to call him.... So I called him gay, then took it back because I realized how much I was insulting Racey and Nick and Tyler, by putting them in the same group as Benny :P

So theres a boy, theres always a boy isnt there, well his name is Will, and we sit with him at lunch, hes a freshman but soooo adorable, and I have two concerns, 1) I think he may be gay and 2) I think I may like him.

=]

Xoxo

Jessica

We sing a christmas CAROL

Carol....

Well.. see, Everytime I walked up to her and sebastian it just SEEMED like SHE was flirting. To me its a definate that yeah she was, but thats my opinion.. and stupid me... goes off and tells courtney so now courtney and Carol are at it.. like there like GRRRRRR... its kinda scary (Well Courtney is scary). Carol came up and yelled at me too, but it really didnt phaze me. I calmly told her exactly why Courtney was mad at her. I was really proud of myself, I dont usually resist the urge to go off on someone, but I did.

Anyways,

I have two papers due tommorow, One thats five paragraphs, and one thats five pages.

Also:
I have two new blogging ideas

• The First is that when I do the title for my blog entry itll be something to do with music.. and to do with the blog. So today I mostly wrote about Carol.. so to make it about music I wrote "we sing a christmas Carol" you see... =] Im so special :P
• And Second, Every week Ill have a "three words of the week " thing, where I sum up my whole last week in three words. I dont know if Im going to put it in my about me, or if Im going to just have it in every sunday post... or what. But yeah thats my awesome Idea

Anyways loves, I have to be off now!

Tootles,

Jessica

Homecoming

Hello all,

I hate to bore everyone with simple facts about myself, so I'll keep things very simple.

My name is Jessica, Im fifteen years old. (give me 19 days and Ill be 16) I'm a sophomore at my high school. I love reading, and music. And I hope to become a psycologist, or counceler.

Theres one oober bad thing about me though, I seem to attract more gay guys, then straight ones. =] Though it seems funny now, it becomes a real hassel. (so thats enough about me hehe)

So last night was homecoming, and maybe I expected to much, or just was too excited, but by an hour into the dance, I was like having no fun. When I went to Sarah Scott we had Snowball, and it was such a big deal. It was like a junior prom, and things were always so much fun. It was huge. But this homecoming, though the set up was nice and all, was like boring. I mean they didnt play a variety of music, they just played a genre. None of my favorite songs got played, and they didnt even play Gimme More, which is getting up there in the charts now people and its awesome for dancing. Well anyways, there music sucked, and the chaperones! Oh the chaperones they DID NOT do a good job, they just stood there in a clump and talked the whole dance. I walked back to the table my stuff was on to check my cell messages, and two people had sex... in a chair. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Not only was that SLUTTY but it was just gross.

And to top all of it off, none of the people I came with wanted to dance, WTFH why would you come to homecoming if your not going to dance? I mean seriously, I just it made me so mad. Everyonce in a while I would get Courtney to dance with me but that was it. Then there was a little drama with courtney and sebastian... (which kinda makes the whole under the sea thing.. really cute but) The thing is... I wasnt about to help. Ok I like this guy, I really do. But Courtney announced to everyone, and see I usually dont do that when I like someone, actually I usually deny it till I cant deny it anymore. Well anyways, I just left sebastian and courtneys mess alone most of the time, till it came when he and carol were always standing next to each other, thats when I noticed Carol was sitting there blatantly flirting with sebastian even though courtney had just said she liked him. I wanted to kill Carol. I like the guy and I wouldnt even do that.

These past few days Ive really gotten to know carol, and I cant stand her. It really drove me insane. So in the end i just endid up sitting at my table (AFTER the sex freaks left) I danced with Ben (who btw.. Is gay) on the one slow song they played. And Frankie on a few fast songs. But mainly with MG, Tiffany, and Courtney.

It really sucked that Nick couldnt go, I mean I think I would have had a lot more fun with him there. He wouldnt have let me go off alone, he wouldnt have let me get upset, he wouldnt have let it be bad.

Speaking of nick, Im starting to get really close to him, and I'm sharing a lot more now with him then I had, because I put up a wall at school. And usually, people dont get to see past it, but... Somehow nick got a full account of a story that I usually dont share details about. And now that he knows, it seems like I want to depend on him. But thats what marks for... Marks already super jealous that I even hang out with nick as much as I do. Its really getting to me, Ive never seen a gay guy more jealous then mark. :)

ANYWAYS.. wow.. that was a lot of probably useless info for you.

Love always,

Jessica

Caution: Men working

Hey,

So my friend made a blog, and he just seems the least likely person to have one, so since he has one now, I might as well get one right?

I obviously, just made this, so Im still adding things here and there. But mainly this will be about me, and whats going on in my life.

Ive never really been able to keep up with a blog or a journal, but I always need somewhere to vent, maybe I can pull it off here.

Well thats all for now,
Jessica

-- back in 2 and 2